God is Bengali!!

Unless you are a Bengali, $100 says you didn’t know this!! As a kid born in a Bengali family, this would be amongst the first few things taught to you. God especially the Hindu ones including goddess Durga, Kali and to an extent Lord Krishna were Bengalis. The logic isn’t pretty clear – who cares by the way. Most Bengalis irrespective of their age and location would be convinced that god wasn’t a north or a south Indian but a Bengali.

Ask them about the rationale behind and you’ll get remarkable answers. 'She looks Bengali; just look at the idol – her eyes, cheek and facial features are so Bengali'!! 'It’s a Bengali name, don’t you see?' 'It’s only we the Bengalis who celebrate Durga puja and Kali puja every year'. As earlier, these replies would make sense only if you were a Bengali. How else do you justify the continuous 4 days of pandal hopping, the long restless count for Durga puja to start and the sad faces during the final day of idol immersion?

Coming back to the fact that god is Bengali; it indicates one strong trend – regionalization of god and faith. Every little region of the world (at least the ones that follow idol worshipping) has tried to create its own version of god’s origin. The idols worshipped in southern India resemble the physique and looks of people residing in those parts of the country; the characters of Ramayana in Indonesia look like native Indonesians. The question is: whether it is good? I guess yes. An employer can derive complete dedication from its employees only by instilling a sense of ownership in them. This is how people over the ages decided to keep themselves close to the superior power (plural for some) that they both love and fear- By propagating a belief that god is like us, amongst us and very much a part of us.

Hmmm....

Memoirs of a Rich Man…

What is it that differentiates one man from the other? Is it the wealth that he carries, the surname he bears or the designation he uses in his e-mail signature? Well, he is a “poor man”, Poor first and then a Man. He doesn’t deserve to be addressed courteously or to be made friends with. He must be humiliated as often as possible, preferably in public. He mustn’t be accepted amongst the dignified and the elite. He doesn’t deserve esteem since he cannot afford it.

It may be your maid, your driver, the waiter at a restaurant or the house-keeping staff at your office. Rule 1: Never look into their eyes…they just aren’t worth it!! Just make a brief glance as though you could see through them. As if there was no one there. Rule 2: Make sure you do NOT remember their names. For god’s sake, there are a godzillion number of things to remember on this planet. Call them Oye; Chotu; Boss (with the loudest sarcasm on your face) or even better…just make a slight noise; the way you would call you pet. Rule 3: When they are around, talk about the great man you are, your material possessions, your dad’s contacts and all the good looking ladies you (could) have had.

Now let’s customize the above rules for your subordinates or junior colleagues at office. Rule 1: Do not always look through them (might not be a good idea if your appraisals are based on 360 degree feedback from all employees). But when you look at them, try looking at their shirt or the ground beneath or the ceiling above…you are busy after all and also a visionary. Rule 2: Remember their names you must. But do it in a manner that the other person feels like showing his true gratitude to you for retaining so much about an insignificant being. Rule 3: Talk of your past laurels, and how you rejected the offer of a Senior VP to take up this crap job. Try and sound knowledgeable…and even if you can’t (your mind isn’t a computer after all), try ridiculing the facts and expertise your colleague showcases. Also in case your subordinate is too much of a focused man, too strong to be intimidated by you, try hinting about the huge salary you draw every month...this would surely weaken his conviction or faith or whatever they call it. Corporate rules are strict these days; you can’t quote your salary to your peers. So what? You could always play around with words can’t you (you must be smart…after all you marketed and then sold yourself so well to the HR!!)

Do not feel embarrassed if you are already practicing all these rules. We need an open society now…so try and make sure you pass on these tricks to your kids as well…You never know, you might have a stupid child back at home, whose heart cries out for the poor and the powerless…

Momentary Lapse of Reason

This certainly isn’t about Pink Floyd. Its something that every idle soul reading this blog could relate to. At some point or other, we have all had moments where we completely lost our sense, logic and rationale. In fact every now and then this momentary lapse of reason gets us into deep rut. It makes us do things we regret for long and cannot even relate to in due course of time. But the irony is…while we were doing it, all our actions would have seemed perfectly justified to us.

How many times have we completely transformed from being a perfect commonsensical to either an immoral self in our personal lives or an unethical chap in our profession? And when you look back you cannot believe you could have done it in your perfect senses. Also when I said – every single person reading this could relate to what I am saying, I had enough facts in hand. Mankind itself has been through several such momentary lapses in the past. Whether it is the holocaust by the Nazis; the bombing of Hiroshima & Nagasaki or the innumerable religious riots, man has been through several such barbaric rampages. Many would argue that the Jewish killings or the nuclear attack were all planned and did not happen when a few men had this historic “momentary lapse”. However if we look closely, we would realize that many of the people involved and responsible for such mass massacres had started taking pleasure in these activities. And if we were to check their historical records, most of them had been from a non-criminal background. How could such people lose their sense of reasonability in a flash?

Would love to have an answer. But I must remember that there have been serious accusations of me doing an Ashutosh Gowariker in my blogs… so I am gonna keep it short. I tried asking a few friends if they had an answer. I wasn’t surprised to hear Alcohol as being the favorite reply. I guess no one takes an intellectual seriously these days!!

Is this lapse something that is motivated by emotions, money, fright or certain mysterious thoughts hidden deep inside our subconscious? Or does this lapse follow a circadian rhythm? I was astounded to hear from one of my friends and a fellow blogger Abhigyan (a big yawn) that people are already making money, taking advantage of this lapse induced in people at certain times during the day. Famous trade organizations ensure that the meetings with high-profile and influential ministers are held late at night. This ensures that most of their tenders and deals get passed. (I wish this implied – corruption was dead !!)

This theory still needs some validation. Nevertheless can’t wait till I have this “fit” yet again….might as well try some alcohol now…

D for Delhi !!

All of a sudden, had this urge of penning down a weird thought that has occupied my mind since I last visited Delhi. It’s the D word that’s playing on my mind like a Himesh number which you may loath as much but can’t get off your head. This bizarre connection of the word D with Delhi- it’s like the two were destined to be together. One needs to pardon me if all this sounds rigged because I shall be using both English, Hindi & Delhi lingo to prove my hypothesis.

Going chronologically, we could see the fixation of all major Dynasties with Delhi…be it the Pandavas, the Mauryans, the Tugluqs or the Mughals. Every single Dynasty to have ruled the subcontinent gave it their best shot to gain a foothold in Delhi. To take this serious note further, Delhi also stands for Development. Be it the Delhi Metro, the BRT, the commonwealth village, the International airport or the construction of multiple-lane roads, Delhi is the leading icon of Development in the country.

But hey, Delhi also stands for Demolition (read DDA flats). Ask people of the panic and fright they have gone through in the past few years. When every truck or bulldozer scared the hell out of Delhites residing in questionable plots and when 3BHKs were reduced to 2 room-flats in a flash.

However, none of my discussions, thoughts or dreams (sometimes nightmares) about Delhi is over without the mention of DTC buses. One ride on the DTC could change your outlook towards life, leave you transformed. I learnt how to book my seats throwing my handkerchiefs from a distance (read Planning); I learnt the art of pretending to be asleep or ill while being seated comfortably on a ladies seat. I learnt how to stand right in front of the conductor with utmost confidence throughout the journey without purchasing a ticket (read confidence building). I have seen men evolve from being regular DTC travelers to frequent flyers without losing their principles. While in the DTC they would deliberately brush their arms, legs and whatever else with ladies in the rickety environment; in a low-cost airline they would book aisle seats to brush their elbows each time the air-hostess passed.

Next in line is Delhi’s Dialogue-baazi. Every single mortal, and I repeat – every single mortal you see in Delhi is an encyclopedia. And you could avail all the gyan for free !! You don’t need to attend Satsangs as the aunties in Delhi do after spending the whole day bitching, shouting at neighbors or fighting with their husbands. You get it while crossing the roads, getting off the bus, purchasing clothes or visiting a temple.

We know Delhi for its Defraud or Do numberi too…right from the early bollywood days such as the Kishore Kumar starrer Dilli ka Thug. Here you have a duplicate for everything – clothes, cellphones, electronic gadgets and even people. There’s defraud in education too…just visit one of the “Guaranteed “ IIT coaching institutes around Kalu Sarai and you would have your answer.
Delhi is also known for its Dikhawa – show off. No matter how poor or middle class you are, you would carry the latest and most expensive mobile phones. You might even keep saying “hello…haan pahunch raha hoon” ten times over the phone even though there may be no one on the other side…just for some attention!! Young guys and gals wearing Designer clothes roaming in the shopping malls day after day without purchasing a needle – all a part of the game. You also can’t ignore the weddings here – after all you marry once (sometimes twice) and this is the only time you could show-off your riches. These weddings will be packed with Dhol, Dance and Daaru (served inside the cars during the Baarat). Someone had once correctly pointed out; Delhites can dance at virtually anything…even at the electric Generator’s beat!!

What the Delhites however know best is to live...live to the fullest !! The celebrations here are the loudest in the country, celebrated with a lot of enthusiasm. Hence during a certain Diwali or even a Dussehra, if theres any place you wish to be, its Delhi!! The people here are also amongst the country’s best foodies …so I get the next D for this blog – Delicacies. All the little food joints across India boasting of being Punjabi Dhabas look pale in front of the real ones in Delhi. Dal Makhani that’s so famous across North India is by far best prepared in Delhi.

Good or bad, there’s something about Delhi…..she is such a Darling; she gets the best out of me and keeps me coming back for more!! Any takers for the D fixation now???