Memoirs of a Rich Man…

What is it that differentiates one man from the other? Is it the wealth that he carries, the surname he bears or the designation he uses in his e-mail signature? Well, he is a “poor man”, Poor first and then a Man. He doesn’t deserve to be addressed courteously or to be made friends with. He must be humiliated as often as possible, preferably in public. He mustn’t be accepted amongst the dignified and the elite. He doesn’t deserve esteem since he cannot afford it.

It may be your maid, your driver, the waiter at a restaurant or the house-keeping staff at your office. Rule 1: Never look into their eyes…they just aren’t worth it!! Just make a brief glance as though you could see through them. As if there was no one there. Rule 2: Make sure you do NOT remember their names. For god’s sake, there are a godzillion number of things to remember on this planet. Call them Oye; Chotu; Boss (with the loudest sarcasm on your face) or even better…just make a slight noise; the way you would call you pet. Rule 3: When they are around, talk about the great man you are, your material possessions, your dad’s contacts and all the good looking ladies you (could) have had.

Now let’s customize the above rules for your subordinates or junior colleagues at office. Rule 1: Do not always look through them (might not be a good idea if your appraisals are based on 360 degree feedback from all employees). But when you look at them, try looking at their shirt or the ground beneath or the ceiling above…you are busy after all and also a visionary. Rule 2: Remember their names you must. But do it in a manner that the other person feels like showing his true gratitude to you for retaining so much about an insignificant being. Rule 3: Talk of your past laurels, and how you rejected the offer of a Senior VP to take up this crap job. Try and sound knowledgeable…and even if you can’t (your mind isn’t a computer after all), try ridiculing the facts and expertise your colleague showcases. Also in case your subordinate is too much of a focused man, too strong to be intimidated by you, try hinting about the huge salary you draw every month...this would surely weaken his conviction or faith or whatever they call it. Corporate rules are strict these days; you can’t quote your salary to your peers. So what? You could always play around with words can’t you (you must be smart…after all you marketed and then sold yourself so well to the HR!!)

Do not feel embarrassed if you are already practicing all these rules. We need an open society now…so try and make sure you pass on these tricks to your kids as well…You never know, you might have a stupid child back at home, whose heart cries out for the poor and the powerless…